Over 50% of young people are single, according to the Washington Post. Many modern women have been criticized for their approach to men, specifically for criticizing and attacking men as a group. While this approach may be motivated by a desire to bring about change and “challenge the patriarchy,” it can be harmful and counter-productive.
Dale Carnegie’s #1 principle advises against criticizing, condemning, or complaining because these actions are unlikely to cause the individual being criticized to change his ways. Instead, it will cause resentment and hostility.
Regarding criticism, Carnegie says, “Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment… It takes great character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
According to Carnegie, our expectations of others can greatly influence their behavior. If we expect someone to do well and behave positively, they are more likely to live up to those expectations. On the other hand, if we expect someone to behave badly or make mistakes, they may be more likely to fulfill those negative expectations. In the context of gender relationships, this means that if a woman has been taught to view men in a negative light, she may be more likely to push a man away when he makes mistakes or behaves poorly because she has an expectation that men are generally flawed or problematic. This could potentially create a self-fulfilling cycle where the woman’s negative expectations of men lead to conflict and distance in her relationships with them, further reinforcing her negative view of men.
Additionally, when men feel attacked, they may become defensive and less receptive to the points being made. This can lead to further conflict and a breakdown in communication rather than a productive and respectful dialogue. Men may then retreat into a self-imposed bubble of information, shutting themselves off to the perspectives of modern women.
Many modern women focus more on attacking men in their own countries rather than addressing the oppression and struggles faced by women in other parts of the world. By prioritizing the criticism of men over the struggles of women in other countries, modern women risk alienating and distancing themselves from these women and the issues they face. This approach can also be harmful, as it may divert attention and resources away from the pressing issues faced by these women.
Furthermore, many modern women advocate for better treatment of women by men. However, criticizing and acting negatively toward men is unlikely to achieve this goal. Instead, it may further divide the genders and make it more difficult for men to understand and empathize with the experiences and perspectives of modern women.
It’s important to remember that constructive criticism, delivered in a thoughtful way, can be a useful tool for helping others to grow and improve. However, when criticism is delivered in a harsh or negative way, it is more likely to be damaging to relationships and counterproductive to the goal of improving the situation. It can also reinforce negative stereotypes and contribute to a negative cycle of criticism and defensiveness.
